Bottom of the Barrel

Mr. Jon Reiser seems to have started a trend, a trend which my sleepless self is so willing to follow. These are the five movies I really don't like and explicit but brief reasons why I don't like them. Oh, and I'm going to follow in the stead of Lindsay Katai and go with movies that I should like but just plain don't.

1. Napoleon Dynamite: This remains the only movie I have ever walked out of in theaters. Not only did I not laugh, and believe me I wanted to... I'd heard nothing but good things about this movie, so I really wanted to like it... but I was surrounded by a sold out theater of people who laughed at things I never thought could be funny. I heard a twenty year old guy say verbatim, "Ohmygod, what's he going to do with that steak? OHMYGOD he threw it at Kip! Ahahahahaha!" Okay, so this explanation wasn't so brief, but understand my loathing.

2. Gosford Park: I love murder mysteries. I like Robert Altman. But this movie bored the shit out of me. And I don't mind slow movies, usually. But when a murder mystery waits an hour and half for the murder to happen... that's 90 minutes of exposition, guys... and the remaining hour is spent not even really trying to solve it... it brewed frustration and anger in me.

3. Moulin Rouge: It took me a while, but I finally decided that I didn't like this movie. It's a campy love song cover band music video that lasts over two hours, pretty much.

4. Donnie Darko: Another movie I've been undecided on but finally realized that it really didn't touch me at all. It felt like it was made just to be an art film. Quirky and dark for the sake of the appeal, not for any actual storytelling purpose. Like "Garden State" without the humor to redeem it.

5. Gone with the Wind: It's the ultimate classic film, but I detested every waking second of it. "Casablanca," now that's a wonderful film from the same time period. This movie? Suffice to say, I watched it hoping Scarlett O'Hara would be destroyed in a freak bus accident. Sadly, that didn't happen.

There's always more of course, but these are the five that, I'm sure, some people would fight me over.

In other news, I'm still in that weird, semi-depressed state, but at least I know why now. That helps.

-Me